Saying goodbye to someone you love

Have you ever thought about how many people never get to say goodbye to someone they loved.  A heart attack leaves you shocked....

"Jesus, please give Dad good sleep tonight, and strength for the journey ahead." 

Saying goodbye to someone who is dying before your eyes is indescribeable as well.  I want my Dad to die well, while still being enamored by the beauty of God's creation.  But when we are dying, it is hard to focus on anything but staying alive.

 The fear of losing a healthy body becomes overwhelming even when you are resigned to dying.  Our mind is important to us.  We want to know what is happening to our failing bodies.  We start planning our funeral.  It is hard to look at the check list that Hospice has and see all the things my Dad may still have to face before he dies. 

So now we daughters volunteered to help Mom get a good night of sleep to save her health.  We know now why we noticed a decline in her health.  She just wasn't getting much sleep at night, and she has never been a napper in the day.

He wakes up every 2 hours to relieve his bladder and stands in a fully upright position beside his hospital bed.  The caretaker turns the overhead fan on or off,  helps relieve the bladder, get a pain pill, turn off a light that becomes too bright, and sleeps closeby.  I am one of those souls who normally sleeps solid for 8 hours without waking up.  I suggested that perhaps it would be better to use the urinal in bed so as not to have to fully wake either of us up by getting out of bed each time.  But that suggestion was turned down by both Dad and the son-in-laws who insist the bladder can be emptied better by standing.  I suggested to Norm that they take their turn sleeping alongside one night to change their minds. 

I checked to see if I could empty my bladder that often without drinking at night, and yoohoo, I could do it as well, so we decided it must just be what one does when they wake up at night instead of sleeping solidly.  What works for us to sleep can't be used because the herbs interact with his meds. .  So of course, we asked hospice for help for Dad to sleep better. 

We have become much more gentle with our suggestions to Dad because we know that we have very little time left with him, and no one wants Dad upset with them. 

When we started giving him a sleeping pill, he thought that was unnecessary because it just makes him feel "bad in the head" and if we have a problem with waking up, Mom could sleep alongside of him.  He wondered if we were getting tired of caring for him, because he didn't mind getting up every 2 hours.  I wouldn't have minded it either if I didn't have to be coherent at work the next day, and hadn't lost my voice from not sleeping most the night. 

I have wondered how many caretakers (like my mother) have given 150% to their spouses without ever complaining and have actually died before the person they were caring for.  I could see that happening to my mother and in my dream, it happened last night.   Our immune systems strengthen when we get uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep.   We can heal while we sleep.  We can actually help Dad live longer if we can help him sleep, but how do you convey that to him without hurting his feelings????

If you knew you only had a few months to spend with your Dad, what on your bucket list, would still be important to you?  I am going to Florida tonight to spend a few days away on the beach.  I am going to think about it there.....hope I still have time with my Dad when I come back.